Johnny’s Ice Cream Truck
Johnny slowly drove the suburban neighborhood streets, the jangly calliope music pouring out of the two loudspeakers mounted on top of the truck. These were the last days of fall, and soon it would be too cold to do business. The snow would come, and Johnny would have to sell the remainder of the ice cream at cost and park the van in the garage until the next summer. Montana winters came earlier and earlier, it seemed.
As he passed the immaculate lawnscapes and starter mansions, Johnny waited for the first customers to appear on the sidewalks and thought about hunting. Once that snow fell, once the truck was stowed, Johnny could pack up enough beef jerky and saltines for a three-day trip up North. Last year, he had bagged an eighteen-point buck.
Johnny daydreamed about intricate snarls of antlers, celtic knots of bone flowering in hundreds of sharp points. The bloom of red in the thatch of white underneath the throat. He would take the one shot that would down the hundred-pointer, and then run over before it died, catch and cradle its head before the ivory bouquet erupting from its skull had a chance to touch the ground and be damaged, feel as the great beast expelled its last cloud of steam and shuffled off to the happy hunting ground.
“Hey, Johnny! A bomb pop and a drumstick, okay?”
Johnny snapped to attention and realized that he had come to a halt at a stop sign. He peered over out the door and saw Brad Dalton and his little sister. The streets were completely empty otherwise.
“Oh! Sure,” said Johnny, shifting the truck into park and heading into the back compartment. He fished the ice creams out of the freezer and handed them to Brad, who unwrapped the bomb pop and handed it to his sister.
“Two bucks,” said Johnny.
Brad unzipped the front pocket of his sweatshirt and pulled out two crumpled dollar bills. “Thanks.”
“You bet,” said Johnny.
“Moose!” said Brad’s little sister.
“No, Holly, you already got your bomb pop,” said Brad.
“MOOSE!” screamed Holly. She dropped her popsicle onto the asphalt and pointed. Brad and Johnny looked up.
“Holy crap,” said Brad.
Running down the street at them in a full-fledged gallop was the largest moose Johnny had ever seen. Fire burned in its eyes, steam poured from its enormous nostrils, and thick ropes of drool looped down from its mouth. Brad and Holly screamed bloody murder. The hell-moose drew nearer.
Johnny popped the clutch and put the hammer down.
The truck got up to thirty, thirty-five per before the beast realized it was coming and turned its body to avoid a head-on collision. The front of the truck slammed into the moose from the side, WHUMP, flinging the beast several feet and onto its side. J
ohnny put the truck in park.
The moose stood up. It drunkenly tried to regain its balance and shifted its weight from foot to foot, letting out a low moo. All of a sudden, Johnny felt sorry for it. With the deer, at least it was quick, if you did it right. Now here was this moose, half its ribcage caved in, stumbling around.
The moose stood up straight and peered through the windshield. It lifted its right front hoof and scraped the ground with it, slowly, twice.
“Oh, shit,” Johnny said under his breath.
The moose lowered its head and unleashed a growl. Then it leaped forward and rammed its massive rack into the grille of the ice cream truck. There was a horrible snapping sound, and then only the jaunty calliope.
Johnny turned off the music and slowly got out of the truck, walking around to the front. The moose had wedged its antlers into the grille and then fallen. The antlers, stuck, had not. The moose had broken its own neck.
“Holy shit,” said Brad from behind Johnny.
“Don’t curse,” said Johnny. He walked around to the back of the truck.
“What are you doing?” asked Brad.
“Gonna take the head,” said Johnny. “Rack like that, if I can get it out of that grille okay, look great in my front room.” He pulled the hacksaw out of the back of the truck. Brad turned a little green and covered his mouth.
Johnny went up front with the moose and got to work. The schoolchildren gathered around to watch.